On Relationships.

I stumbled upon this old blog entry today written in December 2006 and feel compelled to share it with you all again...

A while ago I read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. In fact, I think I read it while I was in Tibet. No, scratch that-- that was Mere Christianity. I read The Four Loves a couple of summers ago... anyway, not important when I read it, just that I read it.

Tonight as I drove home from seeing Stranger Than Fiction with Ingrid (excellent movie. I love love loved it. Loved.) I had the heater blasting and I listened to Jimmy Eat World's rendition of "Last Christmas" on repeat and I ate some very, very cold generic 'Nilla Wafers from Target... I got to thinking.

I got to thinking about relationships... the friendship kind and the we're in love kind (from here on out referred to simply as a relationship). I thought about my own friendships and other people's relationships (since I've none of my own to think about).

I don't remember much about The Four Loves- but what I do remember is profound. Lewis writes that a true friendship is two people walking side by side working for a common goal. I imagine two friends holding hands and making their way towards God. When one trips the other helps her up- no words of judgment and no mocking. Just helps her up and they continue on their way.

The other thing that I remember is that Eros- the relationship kind of love- is like people looking at each other. They love each other. I see this love often. I see this love in friends of mine, and in the movies... I imagine lovers gazing into each other’s eyes on a hilltop with a background of brilliant stars. This is the love people long for- the kind of love they think will make them feel whole. The kind of love that made everyone cry in The Notebook. The kind of love that makes life worth living... but is it?

Frankly, I don't want that kind of love. I am not interested in gazing into someone’s eyes and feeling like we are the only two people in the world that exist. I don't want to feel as if all time has stopped and there is only this moment.

I think about the people in my life that have relationships that rely far too much on the moment when all time stops.

I love my friends. The people that know me well know that I am a very devoted friend and that I invest a lot of love, time and myself into friendships-- often at the risk of losing the friendship. (You see, to be a real friend to someone, I think you've got to love them enough to risk your friendship in order to show them that love. Risk the friendship to save the friend.)

There are a few people in my life that I truly feel as though we walk hand in hand towards the common goal of loving God more. When I was in DTS someone prayed over me and, I think it was Stacie, that out of our love for God and His love for us, that our own love for each other would grow. I loved that prayer. I pray it all the time now. The love I have for my God and His for me is what feeds the love I have for my friends that I so treasure.

And so when I fall in love I want a love not like The Notebook, Romeo + Juliet, or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days... rather I want to hold his hand and walk towards God. I want a friendship that runs deeper than our love for one another, and the love of God flowing from one to another.

I want to walk with a man towards God and share a sidelong glance- a stolen moment. Time will not stop. We will never be alone in the world. When I trip he will help me up and when he stumbles I will steady him. We will work for a common goal. And it will be amazing.