The following was quoted at church tonight by Dr. Leron Heath, whose teaching was amazing. (I highly recommend giving it a listen.) This is how the church needs to be everywhere, now. Standing up for what's true and right... Hitler may be dead and gone, but people are being murdered, sold, silenced, maimed, and God knows what else all over the world right this very minute with no one to stand up for them. Let's do something about this. Let's do something about it NOW.



"Being a lover of freedom, when the revolution came in Germany, I looked to the universities to defend it, knowing that they had always boasted of their devotion to the cause of truth; but, no, the universities immediately were silenced. Then I looked to the great editors of the newspapers whose flaming editorials in days gone by had proclaimed their love of freedom; but they, like the universities, were silenced in a few short weeks….

.

Only the Church stood squarely across the path of Hitler’s campaign for suppressing truth. I never had any special interest in the Church before, but now I feel a great affection and admiration because the Church alone has had the courage and persistence to stand for intellectual truth and moral freedom. I am forced thus to confess that what I once despised I now praise unreservedly."

.

- Albert Einstein, Time magazine, 23rd December, 1940 p. 38

A Great "Amen"

*mobile post

Party like a Farmer

Today was awesome. Let me tell you why.

Church was so good! Pastor Steve taught from Isaiah about the virgin birth of Christ and how we should party because of it.

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder...

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:2-6

What that says it we're supposed to party like farmers. He went on to talk about dancing and having a good ol time. We have so much to celelbrate this season! The birth of the Messiah!!! Amazing.

Also, his sermaon was really short, so that was good. And also we sang Christmas songs in church which is my absolute favorite thing in the world.

After church Scott, Ingrid and I went to lunch then Ing and I went to the City to look for wedding shoes and bridesmaid dresses. It was super fun. I love her. Our entire conversation on the way there was spoken in fake British accents. We are awesome. Ingrid even found a YouTube video on how to speak proper English.




Then we saw this lady singing on Maiden Lane... I was first tempted to make a joke about it 'being over' but then her voice captivated me! We stood and listened for several minutes. I could have stayed for hours.




When we got back to my house Scott came over and we made grilled cheese sandwiches and cinnamon rolls. It was the perfect Sunday.

We Love Love

Today I shot Scott and Ingrid's engagement photos. Ingrid is one of my dearest friends and I have so loved watching her become the woman she is today over the last several years. She is very much like a little sister to me... easy on the little, heavy on the sister.

I couldn't be happier for her and Scott- they are meant for each other, though I had not seen the depth of that until today.

This afternoon we went to Tildon Park in Berkeley where Scott proposed. We reenacted the proposal for the photos. It was... it's hard to find the words... It was striking. I have never in my life seen a man look at a woman the way Scott looked at Ingrid. His face radiated with love, joy and the Lord. I can't explain it any other way, but God was there and I got to be a part of it... and hopefully, catch it on camera.

Today was a perfect, wonderful, beautiful, love filled day. I love my life and the Bay and my friends and the LOVE that God has put in us.

And the Avett Brothers...

And I was sick with heartache
And she was sick like Audrey Hepburn when I met her
But we would both surrender
True love is not the kind of thing you should turn down
Don't ever turn it down

I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say
There is darkness all around us
I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me
And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin'
And in January we're gettin' married

This Glorious Life

Tonight during Bible study I thought, "I have got to write a blog about how awesome my life is right now. Probably not using complete sentences." So here it goes.

Last night I spent several minutes trying to convince my mom that we should get a Christmas tree now so we can enjoy it longer. How awesome would that be?!

I got up at 3:45am and I have had the longest, funnest day ever. I work with the funnest people, none of the creepers came in to work, my hair looked good, I made hecka good vegan chili and cornbread and we talked about weddings and husbands for, like, a full 3 hours tonight.

BFF. Bible Friends Forever. Brilliant.

Currently I am spreading a rumor that Chris P. has a huge crush on me. It's not true of course (or is it?), but now whenever I see him I get flustered cause I'm not sure if the rumor has gotten back to him.

I get to shoot Jon and Courtney's wedding in Colorado in February and I am stoked. For them and for me. I am loving the direction my photography has taken. I could potentially do this for a living. Who'd have thunk?

I have the best group of girlfriends in the history of girlfriends.

I feel like Beth Moore and I are friends.

I am making progress on mastering the art of latte art. Today I made a christmas tree, a pumpkin and a snow flurry.

Love, love, love.

(I guess that was complete sentences... my apologies.)

Church of Peet's

So I work at Peet's Coffee. (Please don't stalk me.) I really like my job. I love coffee, I love interacting with customers, I love the people I work with... but what I really love is the community. Coffee shop community... or as I shall refer to it from here on out, the Church of Peet's.

For awhile now I have been meaning to blog about the older couples that come in every morning together. There are three of these couples in particular that I just love. One couple walks to Peet's together, one couple gets their coffee for here and sits together for the better part of an hour, and one man- when his wife isn't with him- always brings her something. I love that they set aside time to be together. They all seem like they have been married a long time- they're older and have that deep cadence that married couples have... I want to be like them. They make my heart happy and give me something to aspire to.

But that's not what this entry is about.

By about 10am every morning every chair in the cafe has a butt in it. People talking, catching up, making deals, studying the Word. It's amazing. There are a lot of Bible studies that happen at Peet's on a weekly basis. It amazes me how many of our regular customers are Christians. It's probably safe to say that at any given time there are Christians meeting in that space sharing their lives, studying or praying. I love it!! I feel like I am a part of something bigger. God is moving. He is here.

Today when I was taking the trash out I overheard a man sharing the Gospel with another man. The basic gospel. Missionary status. It was so exciting! And got to be a part of it! The whole time I did trash I prayed for them. It was awesome.

Man, God is so good. This is a great time to be alive.

"It is... through being broken to pieces, and those pieces being torn to shreds that we become people of strength. And it is the endurance of one believer that produces a multitude."

from Streams in the Desert

On a totally unrelated note, the teaching (on Acts 12) at church this morning was amazing. I highly recommend giving it a listen. (Go to cornerstoneweb.org to download the podcast or watch the video... It should be up by Tuesday.)

Community

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:3-10 (NIV)

but the greatest of these is LOVE

...there are too many good shots not to keep sharing!

Love is patient,

love is kind

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

Capture My Heart Again

I used to write poetry. A lot of it. Most of it is pretty embarrassing, but some is decent... for a 16 year old.

On my Great American Road Trip God opened my eyes to the beauty in His creation. One night, at Castle Rock campground halfway between Yellowstone and Bozeman, Montana I sat in the back of my car watching the rain fall and contemplating God's creation. I wrote a prayer like a poem thinking of the Psalms. I figured I would go back to it, refine it, and maybe post it somewhere. I didn't.

Tonight in Bible study our lovely Erin opened us up in worship with the song Your Love is Extravagant. The Last line is 'Lord, capture my heart again.' I was immediately taken back to that moment. Coming out of Grand Tetons and Yellowstone, thinking about the big Montana sky and the rafting trip to come. I washed my face in the river and chopped firewood with my hatchet (then it rained! Oh well.)... My heart was captive to the beauty and glory of the Lord.

I'm back in Livermore now. God's love looks different here. It's love and sparkles in a latte (really), it's a snow cone, it's being nice to the creepy guy, it's girls Bible study, it's Derek leading worship... and it seems... less captivating. Easier to ignore, though no less real.

***

My Psalm (as written in the car that night)

Praise the LORD for His creation!!!

Father, Maker, Creator, Abba, LORD over all, Almighty, LOVE!

Thank You for Your creation, for Earth.

I know it didn't have to be this way,

But You delight in the beauty of the earth.

I can see now that all creation sings your praises.

Mountains point to You; they worship You in majesty.

Rivers bring life and sing your songs,

Waterfalls hint at Your power and rumble in praise.

Birds rejoice in songs,

Trees are sustained by You alone.

You are Life.

Thank You for sharing with me.

Teach me to love Your creation. To sing with the rivers and worship on mountians.

I love You, God. I love what You've made.

Thank you for finally giving me eyes to see!

May they never close again.

Amen.

Glacier National Park, Montana

On Love and Unicorns

I don't know what I am doing, and I am not the only one.

Maybe it's generational, maybe it's something in the water, but so many of us are floundering. Not sure what to do with ourselves, but sure that this isn't it. (Well, ok. By 'sure' I mean we really, really hope there is more than this.)

What I mean is, where is the greatness? The adventure? The... career? Something. I'm 26, single, work at a coffee shop, have no degree, live with my parents... this is not to say that I don't have ever so much to praise God for. His blessings are new every day!! Therein lies the rub. When I have so much I don't rely on God for my daily living.

That was the sweetness in the road trip. Sweetness in brokenness. In the state I was in this Spring I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't function at all without leaning totally on God. I praise Him for my healing and needed a new heart... but that sweetness is gone. I can get through the day without Him (at least, it feels like it), and I'm not sure I like it.

I need direction. Contentment. A degree. (A plane ticket?)

My night time devotional spurred this blog post. I was just going to post another quote, but I got to thinking about it. Thinking about how this applies to my life. Thinking about how this applies to the lives of my friends and decided that if I didn't pull out my computer and just write it down that I would lie awake thinking about what I would write and then forget everything by morning.

"Life with all its experiences is just our chance of learning love. The lesson is set for us—“thou shalt love”; “As I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” Our one thing is to master this lesson. We are not in this world to get rich, to gain power, to become learned in the arts and sciences, to build up a great business, or to do large things in any line. We are not here to get along in our daily work, in our shops, or schools, or homes, or on our farms. We are not here to preach the gospel, to comfort sorrow, to visit the sick and perform deeds of charity. All of these, or any of these, may be among our duties, and they may fill our hands; but in all our occupations the real business of life, that which we are always to strive to do , the work which must go in all our experiences, if we grasp life’s true meaning at all, is to learn to love and to grow loving in disposition and character." J.R. Miller from Streams in the Desert Volume 2

And I think he is right. Love. Paul tells us in Corinthians that we can do all these great things, but without love we are just a clanging gong. We're useless and annoying.

So, friends, that is our job. Our calling. Just love.

(I assume when we get this down the rest will follow... though if it doesn't, what does it matter? This is not our life to live anyway.)

On Prayer (again)

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Last week I decided to seek out some answers on prayer. I didn't. In fact, I hardly thought about it after I wrote my blog post. Whoops.

But here's the thing. I got answers.

Last week we prayed for one of the girls boyfriend to get a job. He did.

Last week we prayed that my wedding photo gig would go amazingly well. It did.

Last week we prayed for reconciliation in one of the girls lives. It's starting.

Last week we prayed for Ingrid to get into classes at Los Positas. She did.

Last week I prayed I would see answers to prayer, and I did!

Ingrid and I had a long conversation after Bible study tonight about prayer. God is listening. He is here. He is moving. I can see it. She can see it. When we pray for things, they happen. It's amazing.

Not in a God is like the genie from Aladdin amazing, but in like a my heart is slowly but surely becoming like God's so when I pray things happen kind of amazing.

I still need to seek the Lord on this. I still want to know more, and to see much, much more... but we are moving in the right direction. We are moving towards God.

"...that in me ye might have peace." John 16:33

I have been through the valley of weeping,
the valley of sorrow and pain;
but the God of all comfort was with me,
at hand to uphold and sustain.

As the earth needs the clouds and the sunshine,
our souls need both sorrow and joy;
so He places us oft in the furnace,
the dross from the gold to destroy.

So we'll follow wherever He leadeth,
let the path be dreary or bright;
for we've proved that our God can give comfort,
our God can give songs in the night.

Prayer

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name.

Your kingdom come

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us day by day our daily bread.

And forgive us our sins,

For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.

And do not lead us into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

The subject of prayer has come up in our last two Bible study sessions. I guess I have never really thought about why we pray before.

When I was in DTS with YWAM we had to get up early and do intercession for India and North Korea, fast on Fridays for America and spent hours on our faces before the Lord. Mostly I slept through it (because really, who can close their eyes and pray for an hour at 7am!?). I didn't engage and I didn't get it. I blamed it on the morning... and on my stomach.

Recently, a tragedy struck a church I am very close with. I found myself praying a blanket over everyone involved and everyone that knew the boy who died and was reminded of the YWAM prayer sessions. I suppose praying for the masses in India is different than praying for a few hundred in Dublin, California... but is it?

I brought this up at Bible study last week and we decided that prayer is for us. Mostly God is going to do what He is going to do, but not only to we get to be involved, but we are commanded to be involved.

I'm not sure I buy this. I think it's more complicated than that... but in God's infinite infiniteness its more simple, too.

I could spend my whole life trying to get to the bottom of this and will never really succeed, but that's fine. God is too big to fingure out, and it's not that I doubt Him. That He is there, that He listens, that 'prayer works!'... I just don't get it, and the more I think about it the less I get it.

Step 1 was to search prayer on BibleGateway.com- the NIV has 155 references to prayer so I guess it is time to dive in.

Here is what I think I am looking for:

-Why do we pray? I mean REALLY why.

-Do my prayers change God's mind?

-If I don't pray for something will it not happen?

This links to Facebook, and I would love to hear what you think, too.

The Vision

Summer 2001, Ensenada, Mexico with the church youth group- it was our first night there. A guy came on stage and shared 'The Vision'. He said it came out of YWAM London, but no one really knew much about it. (Several years later I learned it was written by Pete Grieg from 24/7 Prayer International.) I think it is safe to say that moment changed my life. The words on that crumpled up piece of paper with the MSN logo at the top seared my brain and my heart. It made my palms sweat and my eyes water. At that moment I wanted to leap from my chair and sing, and shout... and yell... and get a tattoo. From that moment on I was different.

But then I stopped being different. I'm not sure when. Maybe around the time I turned 20 or 21. But I am ready to be different again. It's time.

So here it is. Soak it in. Print it out. Read it again. The Vision.

So this guy comes up to me and says, “What’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”

I open my mouth and words come out like this:

The vision? The vision is Jesus – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army.

And they are free from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn’t even notice.

They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose, that they might one day win the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don’t need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground, the whisper of history in the making. Foundations shaking. Revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers. Conspiracy is breathing…

This is the sound of the underground.

And the army is disciplined. Young people who beat their bodies into submission. Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ? Can hormones hold them back? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them?

And the generation prays

like a dying man

with groans beyond talking,

with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and

with great barrow loads of laughter!

Waiting. Watching. 24/7/365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive. Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)

Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.

Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdo’s! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.

It will come to pass;

it will come easily;

it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

Home Sweet Home

I am so glad to be home. So glad to be in Livermore. Things could not be better. Thank you Jesus!

I got a job at Peet's- it's quite pleasant. I have a girls Bible study meeting at my house. My mom started a 'Summer of Love Quilting Club' at our house (sounds turdy, but is SO fun!), my best friends live upstairs, across the park and across town... you can't beat that!!

I may not be trekking across America, climbing a mountain, or flying across oceans to distant lands, but I am deeply content.

Thank you Jesus.

release

In Your love I find release

A haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

A living prayer my God to Thee

On Relationships.

I stumbled upon this old blog entry today written in December 2006 and feel compelled to share it with you all again...

A while ago I read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. In fact, I think I read it while I was in Tibet. No, scratch that-- that was Mere Christianity. I read The Four Loves a couple of summers ago... anyway, not important when I read it, just that I read it.

Tonight as I drove home from seeing Stranger Than Fiction with Ingrid (excellent movie. I love love loved it. Loved.) I had the heater blasting and I listened to Jimmy Eat World's rendition of "Last Christmas" on repeat and I ate some very, very cold generic 'Nilla Wafers from Target... I got to thinking.

I got to thinking about relationships... the friendship kind and the we're in love kind (from here on out referred to simply as a relationship). I thought about my own friendships and other people's relationships (since I've none of my own to think about).

I don't remember much about The Four Loves- but what I do remember is profound. Lewis writes that a true friendship is two people walking side by side working for a common goal. I imagine two friends holding hands and making their way towards God. When one trips the other helps her up- no words of judgment and no mocking. Just helps her up and they continue on their way.

The other thing that I remember is that Eros- the relationship kind of love- is like people looking at each other. They love each other. I see this love often. I see this love in friends of mine, and in the movies... I imagine lovers gazing into each other’s eyes on a hilltop with a background of brilliant stars. This is the love people long for- the kind of love they think will make them feel whole. The kind of love that made everyone cry in The Notebook. The kind of love that makes life worth living... but is it?

Frankly, I don't want that kind of love. I am not interested in gazing into someone’s eyes and feeling like we are the only two people in the world that exist. I don't want to feel as if all time has stopped and there is only this moment.

I think about the people in my life that have relationships that rely far too much on the moment when all time stops.

I love my friends. The people that know me well know that I am a very devoted friend and that I invest a lot of love, time and myself into friendships-- often at the risk of losing the friendship. (You see, to be a real friend to someone, I think you've got to love them enough to risk your friendship in order to show them that love. Risk the friendship to save the friend.)

There are a few people in my life that I truly feel as though we walk hand in hand towards the common goal of loving God more. When I was in DTS someone prayed over me and, I think it was Stacie, that out of our love for God and His love for us, that our own love for each other would grow. I loved that prayer. I pray it all the time now. The love I have for my God and His for me is what feeds the love I have for my friends that I so treasure.

And so when I fall in love I want a love not like The Notebook, Romeo + Juliet, or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days... rather I want to hold his hand and walk towards God. I want a friendship that runs deeper than our love for one another, and the love of God flowing from one to another.

I want to walk with a man towards God and share a sidelong glance- a stolen moment. Time will not stop. We will never be alone in the world. When I trip he will help me up and when he stumbles I will steady him. We will work for a common goal. And it will be amazing.

It is Well

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio G. Spafford, 1873

Perspective (Title Page) Part 2

Excerpt from The Last Battle by C. S. Lewis, Chapter 16,"Farewell to Shadowlands"

"And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."